How are you six months old my little darling? We spent your 6 months day playing and having fun & even squeezed in a Play date.

Time has flown the first three months seems like for ever but now you’re so full of personality mischief and cheekiness and I enjoy every moment with you it’s so hard to believe six months yesterday we were in hospital and just about to give birth you are the love of my life now and forever.

It takes me right back to being in bed and going through early labor all on my own, even though my family were sleeping it was the middle of the night and I didn’t want to wake them.

It was in that instance that I knew I was alone through the challenging times.

Yes I am living with my parents for the moment I am with bubba for breastfeeding, changing, playing, putting her to sleep and whenever she needs me her mumma.

My sister asked yesterday why I got moody when she was asleep in the car, it wasn’t moodiness rather than anxiety. If you mess with her sleeping or feeding times watch out as this mumma bear is all out protective. I know what she needs in order to be that happy and fun baby that everyone likes to play with. I have been dealing with PNA since bubba was born some weeks it’s barely there and then it rears it’s ugly head everyday….

I have spoken with child health as I realise that being on my own the majority of the time is something I don’t cope with.

So I’ve finally booked in with a psychologist that can hopefully give me the tools to learn ways to deal with all of the above.

It’s been tough and challenging few years leading up to this pregnancy.

I was married for years to a lovely man ( who I was so blinded by love I couldn’t see we didn’t have the same life goals ) unfortunately after years of trying for a baby – the stress of it all showed cracks in both of us. The final straw was that he had changed his mind about having kids so even though I would be separated at 39 – in my mind I still had a small chance of being a mother.

I’ve just spent the past hour crying just overwhelmed with my circumstance.

I can be positive and happy for everyone else but deep down dreaming of being married with kids all your life certainly takes a toll when I feel I’ve been left with the short end of the stick.

I am not saying I’m not grateful for everyday with her but this is the reality and I need to be raw and real so thank you for allowing me to do so.

Social media can seem all perfect but deep down it’s not so just know that if you are.

Thank you for supporting me and allowing me to be me.

Lots of love M & M


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